Infertility is an ugly word

We like to put people, situations, stages of life into neatly labeled "boxes" because as a society we are uncomfortable interacting with those who's lives do not match up to our own ideals - giving them a "name" helps us to decide where they fit in (or don't), what we should or should not do about them.

There are certain people I've learned to avoid because their view of the world consists of:

1) Women who have children: good
2) Women who don't have children: bad

They've viewed the world for so long through such a divided filter that it is impossible to squeeze a thought into their brain that doesn't fit neatly into one of these two categories. Attempting to try is like trying to block machine-gun fire with your own body. Not a good idea. Also, not worth your time.

Then there is another set of people who see the world through similar filters as above (though softened a little with something called "compassion") which look like this:

1) Women who have children: good
2) Women who don't have children: sad

Into this category, falls nearly everyone else you come in contact with. Doctors, family members, co-workers, acquaintances and even close friends. They are the ones who, when they find out that you don't have children yet, are either "sorry" or offer to "pray for you" or want to give you advice on where you can get "help" to rectify this undesirable situation in your life. They are very well-meaning and you can't fault them for feeling empathy toward you. But at the same time, it is comments like these from people you admire and trust that strengthen the walls around the box you have unwillingly and unwittingly found yourself in.

The word "infertility" (which means NOT-fertile, as in the complete absence and lack whatsoever of) is a medical term used to diagnose couples who have been trying unsuccessfully for over 1 year to become pregnant. This is based on statistical data which says that most couples (about 90%, depending on which site you read) who eliminate contraception will become pregnant within a year's time. Everyone else is deemed to be "infertile". Yet, the literary world abounds with stories of couples who tried for years before finally becoming pregnant - some after getting "help" and some by sheer luck. Also, there are many different biological factors which may affect either the woman's or the man's ability to contribute to the fertility equation. In most cases, it is simple a matter of decreased chances of becoming pregnant and not an actual fact that it will never, ever happen. But never mind all this. If it's been a year and you aren't knocked up, girls, you are INFERTILE! Happy?

Of course not. Who wants to walk around with that kind of label over their head? Especially if you are just starting out in your quest to have children and the topic is still very sensitive. Nothing like a prediction of failure to keep up your morale, while all around you people seem to be popping out babies left and right without giving it a second thought (never mind those who don't even want the children they so effortlessly conceived).

But more importantly, since WHEN did your ability (or lack thereof) to have children become the most important defining element of your life? While, mothers are wonderful and necessary people, why are they automatically lifted onto a societal pedestal just because their bodies were able to perform the basic act of reproduction? Before, I start getting hate mail, let me explain that I am referring to the biological definition of a "mother".

Unfortunately, because of this imbalance in human perception of "worth", those who don't fit the mold experience isolation and segregation which all-too-often leads to bitterness and depression. A silent "war" persists in the minds of the "haves" and the "have nots". And it will rage on until you realize that the only person you can change is yourself.

Before this gets too deep, I want to say that my point in writing this first blog post about my own experiences with the I-word is to open up a conversation about the "box" I found myself in, nearly 5 years ago and how I broke out of it. I will be honest and I will be frank. I may post snippets of journal entries and the memories I recall may be laced with bitterness from time to time, but I ask anyone who decides to read them to keep in mind that my experiences are my experiences and that my ultimate goal is freedom, acceptance and happiness.

You don't find clusters of women chatting about the I-word around a cafe table . It's not a popular or fun topic and those unfamiliar with it personally are also uncomfortable with it in reality. But it exists and so, for the silent sufferers around the world, I write to let you know that you are not alone. Life is beautiful and so are you!

Until next time,

Shalom

Safe

"Rainy Day Umbrellas" by schneiderjessie.etsy.com

It's the strangest, warmest feeling to know that - even if just for an hour - when a crying child curls up and falls asleep in your arms, you are their everything for that moment in time. They feel safe and comforted because of you. And nothing else seems to matter.

Anatomy of Wedding Design

When I found out my sister was getting married and wanted me to organize the decorations, I was SO excited and felt more than ready to take on such a monumental task. After my own wedding, 8 years ago, which cost me many, many sleepless nights in the months leading up to it, I swore I'd never do another wedding again. Funny how time makes you forget all the little details that drive brides and wedding planners crazy everywhere. No sooner had we started seriously planning then my living room was taken over by bits of sparkly paper and crafting supplies and my spare bedroom filled up with bags of stuff for The Big Day quicker than I could count to 10. Every page in my planner for the next 4 months had some monumental task written down for me to complete and I wondered how I'd ever manage it all, work part time and run a business on the side. Still, when the candles were lit, the stars hung, the railings draped, and the guests in awe, my sister had the wedding she deserved and it was worth every moment.

For any of you who might be starting preparations for your own wedding (Congratulations!), I thought it would be fun to document the process of designing a wedding, from just a sketch on paper to the actual event. FYI, we started planning in January 2009 for an early May wedding. Yes, 5 months - it CAN be done!!!

Here are some snapshots of how we came to settle on a theme:

My sister had initially wanted to get married in January and have a snowflake theme, but she quickly figured out she didn't have enough time to plan. "An evening under the stars" was the next best choice for a May wedding. Still, we had no ideas for colors, flowers or anything specific, so I scoured Google Images (gotta love it) for anything having to do with evening garden parties and put together several collage sheets to help her narrow down her choices.

My sister having chosen "stars" as the predominant theme, I whipped a few sketches for the reception area which I hoped were both practical and enchanting. This is the design she chose.

Now we needed to get down to the business of specifics. I agonized for hours (well at least it seemed like it) before I came up with a star mobile prototype that would hang evenly. The stars weren't cascading in a spiral like I wanted them to and the top ring hadn't yet been painted, but it was enough for us to visualize the final result. We centered my round kitchen table underneath it and topped it with a mirror off the wall, some spare flowers I had in storage and a few frosted votives. Voilà! The "look" was born.

Next we went shopping with the intention to only check prices, but ran into a 50% off sale at Hobby Lobby and came home with about 10 bags of stuff. Shazam!

It was decided that my address should be the destination for anything that had to be shipped in...I nearly cut myself several times opening the huge box of frosted votives we'd ordered since 4 were shattered into millions of pieces. The company was really nice though and sent replacements right away, plus a few extras. It always pays to ask!

The making of 100 of these wedding invitations by hand, could have been it's own blog post, but I forgot to take pictures. I approached the design of these in much the same way as I did for the overall wedding theme. These were the first true glimpses guests got at the wonders to come!

Before you can truly appreciate the photos below, it is important to document the transformation of the reception area. Obviously this is the "before" shot. (And yes, that's me up on the ladder in the background - not my proudest saggy-jeans moment, I must say.)

Just for the heck of it, I feel I should point out that over 600 sparkly stars, punched by hand made the event below possible.

And finally...the "after" shots. Enjoy!





So...with little time, but LOTS of creativity, a clear budget (we accomplished our goal in under $1000...mind you that was JUST the decorating budget), willing helpers and meticulous organization our little evening garden party came to pass.

I hope you found these tips helpful and wish you great bargains and wonderful memories on your own wedding journey.

A Fresh Start

Photo by ItalianGirlinGeorgia.etsy.com

There is something therapeutic about finally "putting Christmas away" (yes, I'm just NOW getting to it - 2 days before March). Seeing those bits of colored dust-collectors disappear one-by-one as I pull them off the tree and wrap them in tissue before they go into the box. Sometimes it amazes me that roughly 24 cubic feet of my home (not including the tree!) is dedicated to space for shiny things that only come out once a year.

Now, I'm no Scrooge - I love to get caught up in the annual festivities just like everyone else. For gosh sakes I start listening to Christmas music in July! But when I think that energy devoted to honoring this yearly celebration adds up to about 25% of a whole year (if you start getting ready in November and wind down with cleanup in January...or later in my case), I'm left scratching my head...and exhausted.

So, as much as I loved making my house sparkle with holiday spirit, I'm also enjoying peeling away the shiny layers to find the true "heart" of my home. A place to feel safe, relaxed and loved. A haven from the stress of daily life.

And I'm making a silent vow to carry that spirit with me all year long - even into next holiday season. Wish me luck!

It's good to be loved

"give love" by inkdesigner.etsy.com

Today, I got hug-attacked by 10 pre-schoolers at one time, who just missed me SO much while I've been helping out at another center for the past month. I wish I could show you their faces...so much joy in those little eyes at seeing me again. Maybe I'm just overly sentimental, but I have a feeling I will cherish that moment forever.

A Good Day!

On Thursday, 2/18/2010 I was SO excited to be featured on our local NBC affiliate, "Paula Sands Live!!!" It was just the icing on the cake to celebrate my first wholesale account with The Green Thumbers, a gardening center and gift shop in Davenport, IA. To view the video clip from the show, click on the image below.



Here are some photos of my display at The Green Thumbers

(Full Display)

(Cards Sets)

(Journals, Notebooks & Gift Tags)

(Art Prints)

Check back soon for a future post on how I got my first wholesale account and TV gig!

Etsy.com Front Page!